This Is Harder Than I Thought

I didn't realize how difficult and trying this was going to be. I have always been a strong person and the people that know me best have seen we lately at my weakest. I'm trying to do things to keep my mind off of everything like getting out of the house, started exercising again and I'm even donating my breast milk. But yesterday I decided to go to my friends baby shower. What was I thinking? After it was done I got in my car and broke down. That was suppose to be my shower, I was still suppose to have a big belly with a kicking baby inside. I just don't understand why it was all ripped away from us. Now I'm left with this empty belly and the fear of getting pregnant again and loosing another baby. You would think that having my 3 year old would comfort all this but the worst part is that it doesn't. All I do all day is mope and cry and lay in bed. I have suffered from depression since I was 10 but this is the worst.